WHY did I want to farm again???
I don't dare tell my husband, but I so wish we lived in town, closer to jobs, stores, hospitals, doctors, other people!
I really have nothing to complain about, though. I am just tired of the whole animal stuff I think. Or just tired. But, there's no mortgage, no land payment, no car payment - no real debts. Just monthly utitlities and property taxes.
So why am I not content with what we have?
I'm tired of mucking out nasty chicken coops, tired of chasing the kids pony when it gets loose, tired of begging lazy hens to just give me ONE egg...
It was supposed to be better once we had the water hooked up. Life was supposed to get easier once we no longer had to haul water. We haven't had to haul water since November, but that doesn't mean the farming got easier.
I feel "tied down". And I don't mean because I'm married. Funny, my husband and kids don't make me feel tied down - I enjoy THEM and the work that comes with having my family, but the feeling tied to the homestead and the animals is very nearly driving me insane.
In a few weeks, when my chicks are hatching and I'm selling eggs or when we get the garden planted and then are harvesting - I'll remember why. I'll remember how nice it is to do all this for ourself, to not have to spend out extra money to have the luxuries of "homegrown". I'll remember joy in what we're doing, the joy in not having that mortgage or car payment...the joy of just being able to sit in the backyard and whatching the chickens pecking at bugs and seeds - and yes, probably even find some joy in the gander biting my knee - and I know I'll kick this what ever it is once warm weather is here, school is out, and we can be outside DOING instead of cooped up in the house.
I'd kill for a nice big ice cream right now. On a hot summer day. Or even a Caramel Frappe - which is as close to a Caramel Macchiato that I can get with the closests Starbucks being a near hour away!
I feel so cooped up right now. I wonder if this is how the hen's feel when I keep them penned in all winter.